Monday, December 11, 2006

The end?

This could be my last post. I went and talked with my counselor today. To put it quickly, it turns out that basically everyone has been lying to me about everything from the very beginning. It was never possible to get an extension, and yet they told me that it was, so I worked my ass off in order to get that extension. If I had know that in the beginning, I would have lived much much differently. I feel betrayed and used and just really depressed. My counselor brought up (I dont really remember why) something that related to the common Japanese 'bullying' and the resulting suicides. I doubt I will kill myself, but I won't deny that I have thought about it. Extreme, but I feel that all I have really ever worked hard for was Japan, and then I come and get completely fucked over by it. If I lose Japan, I lose a quarter of my life. I dont want to lose the rest, but thats a big portion to lose in a really short amount of time.

It looks like I will be home in 6 weeks. I really really fucking wish that someone had told me that so I didnt waste all my fucking time doing stupid shit like study for the assholes at my school.


At 5:06 AM, Anonymous Nan said...

Ok. Nut kicking is obviously in order. As my 2nd voice teacher, Christine said, when PSU was screwing with me for the zillionth time & punishing me for being busy, oh, SINGING, which is what I was supposed to do....

"Don't let the bastards get you down". It's better coming from a petite blonde with a sweet speaking voice.

And, since you aren't going to kill yourself(please), the best revenge is to live well. When you kick ass using your knowledge of Japanese sometime to save the world(or something smaller like help a lost tourist, or get a better shot at working in a field you like), think of these toadies in their pigeon-holed & proscribed lives & rejoice that you get to do cool, varied things!
6 weeks to do a lot of cool stuff if they won't let you play their game.

Yours in ARRRRRRGH, those bastards!

At 5:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like time to pull a Minamoto Yoshiie on some fat, lying asses.

Honestly? That sucks and I'm so sorry you got screwed over like that. But I hope at the same time you've got the chance to see parts of Japan you like, and will want to come back to. And now, you'll know much better where to find them. Maybe view this as a troubled experiment, but with the results you'll be much better prepared?

I say go and introduce yourself to some artsy Japanese hipsters or some hardcore urban bikers, or spend the next six weeks in museums/libraries/temples, and see the Japan you really came for. Of course, I have no idea what your situation is really viscerally like so I really can't offer sensible decent advice at all.

Take care,

At 12:28 PM, Blogger Dashiell said...

Go see the Miyazaki Museum, also eat lots of amazing food. Drain you money on fucking meron pan every chance you get. I agree with Nan and Keith- fuck 'em, they probably didn't do half the stuff you've done anyway, I bet they never learned to do something culturally American, like you've learned Shodo in their entire lives. They certainly didn't have the guts to talk to girls in bookstores (maybe hit that up once more before you go too?), and if they ever had a problem with their host family, host school, or exchange program, did they have the courage to stand up to it and be truly pissed? You've done things in Japan I wish I could do. You saw the Nihon Ganji (I really wanted to see that), worked on a farm, learned Shodo in school, learned to speak so fluently! You got yourself around Tokyo alone every day, and were able to sucessfully observe the culture (whatever results that may have yielded). I personally am jealous for all of that (not the unpleasent parts, but we wont talk about those). I wish you the most enjoyable fucking care-free six weeks of the last ten months of your life. Hopefully you can find some excitement in that. Gambatte nee. -Dash

At 4:51 PM, Blogger Dashiell said...

Peter, if you're going to be back in town I should sign you up for World Quest, right?

At 10:19 AM, Anonymous The Stad said...

Your time spent in Japan isn't a waste! Like Dash has stated, just rock the fuck out while you still can, but try to leave with as many good relationships as you still can.


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