里帰り。Satogaeri

Satogaeri means to, literally 'return to the village'. It is what I have been saying I am doing back in Tokyo, returning to my home. And now, I am 36 hours away from having to go back to the US for university.

I wanted to go through a number of phases that I've had here.

First, I went through kind of this honeymoon period. The first couple of days back were among the happiest I have been in a very, very, very long time.

Then I got sad, a sad and lonely similar to what I had experienced in the past.

Then, with the help of another half-Japanese kid from Haverford, I worked on getting back into my music roots, and got really really psyched for going back to Haverford. I felt at this point that Tokyo was home, and then I knew pretty much what I was gonna do when I went back to Haverford, even though it didn't really have anything to do with school. But had the energy to go back!

Then, I got sad again. I read a lot, tried to deal with some long standing (and new) emotional issues, tried to sort shit out inside me.

Now, on the eve of my departure, I'm pretty sad about leaving my home here. I know that I will be back, which is very rare (its a psych thing), but I'm sad that life here goes on without me.

Its like I have to lives to live, but can only do one at a time, but time moves similataniously for both. What a bitch.

I'm sad about leaving, and a little ambivalent about school. I don't know what I'm taking, and I doubt I can accomplish my goals.

Goals:
1) Keep my head down.
2) Read.
3) DJ.
4) Lose an average of a kilo a month.
5) Not fuck up even more.

I'm not really going to school for the class part, which makes me feel really bad, because its not like I haven't already wasted enough money in my life.